When my girlfriend suggested we try out a local Korean spa, I was super intrigued to say the least. I’d always heard how cool the Korean spas in LA were and had always wanted to try some of their holistic treatments, more specifically I wanted to get a Yoni Steam.
Basically a yoni steam is a vagina facial. Yoni, the sanskrit word for Vagina, steam is an ancient tradition used to support and heal a woman from the inside out. It can help with difficult periods, creating a healthy womb (expelling old blood, polyps, cysts, etc), detoxification, increases circulation to your lady bits for increased libido and natural lube, the list goes on and on… I’ve even read that it can help with fat loss (insert emoji girl with hand raised).
When we first walked into the spa, it was super nice and clean but I had NO idea what to expect. Then the guy at the front told us that the entire experience, from the locker room to the treatments, were to be done naked. Now, I’m not a fucking prude by any means, but the idea of having my junk on display for everyone to oogle, was a little overwhelming. (JK no one wants to oogle my big ol titties, I just said that for comedic affect).
Once I took a big gulp like they do in cartoons when something bad is about to happen, we grabbed our towels and dignity and proceeded to the “Women’s” area of the spa. Since the whole experience was supposed to be in the nude, there were obviously segregated areas for both men and women. Then came one of the most hilarious parts of the afternoon: my GF, Eryn and I, would not start our girl-date where no date should really start (maybe end up but not START)… NAKED.
So in one, two, three we both dropped trou simultaneously and prepared ourselves for what was to come. It was kind of the blind leading the blind since neither of us had experienced a Korean spa before. We reluctantly made our way to the steam, sauna, jacuzzi, repeat area. After a few minutes in the steam room, a larger Korean woman in a black bra and underwear set came in calling our assigned numbers and beckoned us to fallow her. We followed this abrasive walking Tarantino film character to the room that would be our treatment area. We followed her into a large meat locker looking room. As I muttered to Eryn “this is where we die”, I began to feel like I was in a scene of Showtime’s original series “Dexter”. Two rows of leather tables covered in clear plastic lined the room. The woman guided us to our tables and immediately got to work.
After being in a few positions that would make even a porn star blush while being sanded (exfoliated) like a coffee table getting ready to be re-varnished, we were now ready for the oil massage. I was flipped and turned; folded and slapped. This was definitely not a massage from the Four Seasons, but it definitely felt like she was getting some shit accomplished. We then received a pure organic green tea mask and milk shower and I began to feel like new women.
With a few layers of skin gone and my humility at an all time high, we were ready for the main event: The Yoni Steaming. We were led into a room the size of my first apartment in New York. We were then dressed with a shower curtain gown and placed atop a wooden toilet looking seat with a steaming bowl of herbs below our punannies. Then we waited… for 40 minutes we steamed our Penis Fly Traps like the queens we are. It got hot, it got cool, it got weird, then it got awesome. We walked away with glorious steamed vajayjays and a new sense of pussy power.
There was something very empowering being in an environment of all women, naked, and recreating practices that go back eons. We felt relaxed, soft, and in control of our bodies. It was quite a day… and all for under $100.
Shop my favorite spandex shorts below
Leave a Comment