When I started blogging, I actually just first created an Instagram account, which then led into creating my blog. In the beginning, I never imagined the time this new endeavor would take. Along with this learning came a new purpose in life and the re-birth of a major image complex. I felt it necessary to divulge my blogging truths not only to let newer bloggers find out the harmful effects of entering this world, but also as a cathartic experience for me.
When I began this new journey of blogging and social media, I was rarely on Facebook or any social networks. The idea of sharing my life on the internet seemed scary and a bizarre concept. After Annabelle was born, I had hours at a time on my hand with an infant that slept the majority of the day, so I started diving into the Instagram world. I discovered that people just like me, the style obsessed, were creating businesses and exploring their creativity and passion on this platform. I really liked it and decided to try it myself. Just a side note, if you go really far back into my feed, you will see the disaster that were my first 100 attempts of killing the Insta life.
It was a great outlet for a new mom who’s time was sporadic and unpredictable. After awhile, and a lot of failures, I began to get a handle on how I wanted my feed to look and what my true style is. Along with these great learnings came a lot of negative blogger truths. I began comparing my self to the big influencers out there. These comparisons came in two different ways. Not only did I look at the quality of their blogs and feeds and compare them to my own, but it also re-invigorated my body dysmorphia and compared every curve and every dimple to these “perfect” women.
A lot of the big influencers out there, at least the one’s that I had found while scouring Instagram, were size 2, 5 foot 8 inch godly women who had time for 2 spin classes a day and a slice avocado toast that would last them the week. Then there was me. A new mom, sleep deprived, 60 pounds over my normal weight, and with about 10+ years their senior. My drive said who the fuck cares, you have something to offer regardless of the aesthetic differences. The other part of me, the part that says I want to be 110 pounds and the part that Freud would say I would also like a dick to boot, told me to give up before i’d even started. These girls have too many followers, to many connections, and too many abs in their 12 pack for me to compete with.
So why did I continue? Why did I say “Fuck that noise” and keep follow through? Honestly??? I have no fucking idea. All I know is that I was having fun and loving what I was doing. Styling my shoots, writing on a daily, involving my very willing baby, and shopping… a lot. For some reason doing everything that was involved in blogging just made sense. It didn’t feel like work, even though that’s what is was and still is (and a lot of it). It felt as though this was something I had been meant to do all along. Blogging felt like home.
Regardless if I still have those self doubt moments, compare myself to every other influencer on the planet, or ugly cry my way through a post, I know that I am enjoying the ride. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Insert teeth bearing emoji here…
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Ok you are my soul sister now for sure!! I feel exactly the same!! Every single thing you said is my truth! i LOVE these posts where you share these thoughts, i think there are more of us than them.. and we can totally relate to what you are saying.
You have a gorgeous blog now!
Ps. My daughter is called Annabelle too!! ahhh!
Stephany
Serious soul sister for sure!! Love that the posts resonate with you and you liked them. I can’t get over that you named your daughter Annabelle too… such good taste sister
xoxo,
Chels
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