The majority of our female lives, we are told and pushed to get married. Marriage is held up to this extraordinary level of perfection that every woman should want to be a part of. Everyone who is already married usually talks about marriage like they have joined this elitist club that has a doorman and an electric fence you have to pass to get in. That’s why I am here… a real housewife to tell you the ins and outs of a real marriage. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
I was never that girl that dreamed of the perfect wedding, my future husband striking good looks, and how beautiful my 2.5 children were going to be. My roommates in college would lay in their beds at night fantasizing of the “Big Day” and how their happy ever after was closely on the horizon. My dreams, however, were always focused on how I was going to kill it at life and be super successful.
So when I actually got married, with all of my friends day dreams and fantasies subconsciously floating around in my head, I thought it was all going to be unicorns and gifted Louboutin’s on a daily. Fuck, was I wrong.
Arguments about money, discussions about where to live, and disagreements about quality time were all a big tornado that hit us that first year. You couldn’t walk around a corner without seeing each other and our living space began to close in on us. Living with another human of the opposite sex was a whole new experience, one that I had never done. I never thought that marriage would be a seamless experience, but I never imagined I would have to work so hard in my life.
In the almost 9 years we have been married, we’ve had a ton of highs and a ton of lows. When we had our daughter, we now had even more of a reason to handle situations with grace, calmness, and wine… lots of wine. We now were fighting for the 3 of us.
Now let me preface the rest of this post with the disclaimer that I am married to an incredible guy. He’s considerate, sweet, generous, and a person who’s in it for the long haul. We are happy with our marriage and each other because we are both committed to each other and our family. I wanted to write this post because no one ever talks about how tough marriage can be. Regardless of how perfect your partner is, marriage is work and takes effort and commitment to keep it going.
My hubby and I go to marriage counseling once a month to stay connected. Communication is one of the biggest things we have struggled with so keeping the lines open and making sure we are “hearing” each other is EVERYTHING. Do somedays I wonder why I got married? Of course… no sane person would put themselves through some of the tough times that we have been through. However, when you get to the other side of those arguments or tough times, there is so much beauty awaiting.
Long story… well, long… don’t rush into something because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do. Going into marriage with a clean head and an open heart will only get you so far. Be willing to work your ass off and love even harder.
Happy Valentine’s day lovers!
xoxo
C
Shop my “Real Marriage” look here: Off the Shoulder Top, Skirt (Zara, old so try here, here, here, and here, Sneakers
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